ChampagneClan
by StarlessNight95
Summary: When a certain cat comes and pees on the ground, any cat can drink it to go to see... CHAMPAGNE CLAN! But these cats don't act like cats at all.. they get drunk!
1. Chapter 1: Pee or Pea?

Disclaimers: Erin Hunter owns all these cats… but I own Champagne Clan

**Disclaimers: Erin Hunter owns all these cats… but I own Champagne Clan!! xD**

**Champagne Clan **

**Chapter 1 **

Firestar: NOW SHUUUSH!! THUNDERCLAAAAN!!

Thunder Clan: …

Firestar: Okay, go back to what you were doing, just testing (hehe)

Thunder Clan: -grumbles and pads away-

Jaypaw: Leafpool! Leafpool?

Leafpool: Whaddya want noow?!

Jaypaw: I want my Clan name… NOW!!

Leafpool: Fine Jaypaw, whatever

Jaypaw: Really, YAAAAAY!!

Leafpool: From this moment on, you shall be known as Jaydung. Star Clan honours you buggyness!

Jaydung: WHAT?! HEY!

-A flash of light appears, and every cat flinches-

Sleektail: NOOO!! DAMN YOU LEAFPOOL!! DON'T YOU DAAARE INSULT ME JAYPAW!!

Jaydung: DON'T DEFEND MEEEH!!

Leafpool: It's Jaydung.

Sleektail: Who writes this? You or me? HAAAA!! IT'S MEE!! Naaawwwwt you!!

-Makes Leafpool incapable of speaking for the rest of the chapter-

Leafpool: MMMMHH!! NNMMHH!!

Sleektail: Jay…dung is no longer your name, your Jay_paw _again!

Jaypaw: B-b-but I had my real name…

Sleektail: Too bad, wait until Long Shadows for your _real _Clan name!

Jaypaw: Eh?

Sleektail disappears in a flash of… darkness.

Brambleclaw: ZOMG it's dark!! THE SUN'S DYIIIIIINN!! –screams girlyishyish and runs away.

Squirrelflight: Dude, you'z my mate!! Don't act like a chicken!!

Ashfur: Chicken, where? I loooove chicken! Yummmy!! Yaaaay!!

Ferncloud: Shadduup! I'm trying to –beeep- with Dustpelt here!!

Ashfur: Whatcha doing with Dustpelt, eh, eh, eh? All I heard was a beepy!!

Dustpelt: None-a your business. GO AWAY!!

Ashfur: M-m-meanie!! –cries and runs away-

-Light comes back-

Brambleclaw: ZOMG it's light!! THE SUN'S ALIIIIVE!! –screams girlyishyish and suddenly runs back into camp.

But poor Brambleclaw was wrong. The sun went out… again!!

Voice: _DON'T _scream, stupid!!

Firestar: Holly Cow!!

Hollypaw (I don't like calling her Hollyleaf): I'm not a cow!!

Firestar: Sorry, but I hate you Holly-annoying-thing

Hollypaw: Hey!! Your leader you must like everyone!! It's part of the Warrior Code, see, Page 52 906 590, paragraph 87, verse 2, line 1, in 10 words… OOOH!! SSEE! BUUURRRNN!! (I hate it when people say that!! –takes out big gigantic book and opens it up.-

Warrior Code: "A noble leader must always respect and adore its warriors"

Firestar: Newslflaaash!! I'm not noble. At. All.

Hollypaw: That's why _**I **_should be leader, and _not _you!

Voice: LISTEN TO ME YOU FOOLS!!

Graystripe: We're fools? Not warriors… y…y-y-y….YAAAAY!!

Suddenly, Spottedleaf appeared. She strode into camp, glaring at every cat she saw.

Spottedleaf: FIRESTAR! Star Clan wants you and some of your clan to come visit Champagne Clan!!

Daisy: Oh my, I heard those barn twolegs always yelling "CHAMPAGNE!! LETS GET DRUNK, YAAA, EH?!

Spottedleaf: Well, these cats are sophisticated than you mangy bunch!!

Berrynose: Mangy? I'm sorry, but _I _am the pertiest cat alive! –stares into puddle and sighs in content- I am so beautiful!

Honeyfern: Yes Berrynose, you are the perviest… I mean pertiest! The most pertiest cat eveer!! –drools after Berrynose-

Spottedleaf: Ahem!! As I was saying, Champagne Clan will see you! You will bring yourselves there by… this!

Spottedleaf lifted up one of her back legs. A yellow liquid poured out.

Toadkit: Whazzat, whazzat?

Lionpaw: It's pea, stupid!!

Rosekit: It's pee! Not pea!!

Icepaw: What's a pea?

Spottedleaf: It's not pea or pee, it will bring you to Champagne's Clan's home! DRINK UP!

Leafpool: MMHH! NNMMH!! MMMMM!!FFFFMMHFFF!!

Spottedleaf: Stop mmh-ing!! Its annoying!

Every cat seemed to run madly for the drink of… pee.

Ashfur burst into the clearing.

Ashfur: PEEEEEE!! MIIINE!!

At some point there was only a few drops left. Almost every cat drank it except Mousefur, Longtail, Rosekit, Toadkit, and Daisy.

Mousefur: Why not get away from this place for a while? –drinks pee and disappears-

Longtail: Wherever Mousefur goes, I go! MOUSY!! WAIT FOR MEE!! –disappears-

Rosekit: Oh, there's enough for me and Toadkit!! Let's go!!

Daisy: I have to go where my kits go, you know that, don't you Firestar? K?

Firestar: But Daisy!!

-Daisy disappears-

Spottedleaf: Only one more drop Firestar…

Firestar: Okay, bye Spottedleaf!

-Spottedleaf jumps in front of Firestar-

Spottedleaf: No, Firestar… you're staying… with me! MUAHAHAHAHAHA!!

Firestar: NOOO!! –jumps and drinks the last drops of pee!

Spottedleaf: NOO!! I WILL GET MY REVENGE!! BEWARE FIRESTAR!! –pees some more, drinks it, and disappears-

**Sleektail: Hope ya liked it, I hope I can update soon!! If you want a certain character to act stupid, all you go to do is ask! And Champagne Clan will show up in the next chapter!!**


	2. Chapter 2 Drunk Time!

**Disclaimer: Erin Hunter would not want her cats to go berserko**

**Chapter 2**

Leafpool: MMMHH!! NNNHH!! MMMH! FMMNF!!

Cinderheart: Gaawwwsh you can speak again, you know!!

Leafpool: NNN!! HHNN HM!! Oh right… I _can _speak again… hehehe

Firestar: Wooow look at that table!

Graystripe: TAABBLEEE!! I LOOOOVE TABLES!!

Millie: WHAT?! Me gonna slap ya baaaaaaaad!!

Graystripe: GAAAHH!! NOOOOOO!

Dustpelt: Whatsa table?

Firestar: A housefolk thing… I mean a_ Twoleg _thing!!

Jaypaw: Look, whats in those… containers?

Other Cat: IF YOU DON'T KNOW GETTA OUTTA HEREIO!! GAROT!!

Brightheart: Oooh, itsa smexy beast! With such a voice!! Yaaahh yo!!

Other Cat: I AM CHAMPAGNESTAR!! RAAR!

Brightheart: Champagnestar… siiigh

Cloudtail: :O BRIGHTHEAAART!!

Champagnestar: Oh yes, Cellar Clan told me of some weird cats arrival, yot. Cats that don't know what Champagne, or wine, or _alcohol _is, yot! A disgrace to cats,  
yot! CURSE YOU, YOT!!

Dustpelt: Shaddupp! We're entering and I don't care boutchu! FERNCLOUD!

Ferncloud: Comin, babeh!

-goes inside without permission-

All the cats stare briefly at where Ferncloud and Dustpelt just entered.

Champagnestar: Damnit he ruined my entrance, hic! So much for being dramatic, hic! What the martini, just enter, hic!

It was a big room, with a … not a chandelier but a champagnedelier.

Champagnestar: In honour of Champagne Clan… and me!! BLOT!

Lionpaw: Stop saying random things after each sentence!

Champagnestar: I am? Kioppy? Really, I haven't got a choice, kioppy!!

Random Cat that happens to be Champagnestar's deputy: DRINKIN TIIME!! WOLIO!

Champagnestar: Winevine, its druuuuuuuuuunk time! WHYO!!

Sandstorm: FIRESTAR!! My claws are dirty!! CLEANN IT!!

Firestar: MMH thisso good! MMOOORE!!

Winevine: Suuure, Redwine, Whitewine, get the beer, now, raao!! Squishedgrape, get more martini, raao!

Whitewing: Why, this wine tastes so… exquisitely amazing!

Birchfall: What does exquikitly mean? Huh? Huh Huh Huh?!

Champagnestar: Oh my, these cats get drunk too… easily.

Brambleclaw: Ehehehe!! Tigerstar, I can kill you noun!! I can kill anyyyyboddyyY! Hehe, uuurrgg!! Raawrr!! Squirrelflight!! C'mere!!

Squirrelflight: Umm… whaa?? Ashyfur… come back to mee!!

Ashfur: YEAAH! PARTAY!! WHOO WHOO! WHOO!!

Squirrelflight: ASSHYY!! PLLEEAAASSSEEE! Bwamble is scawing me!!

Ashfur: POPPYFROST IS MINE!! GETTA AWAY JAYPAW!! HISS!!

Jaypaw: Finey, fine, fine! Oi gittit!! No need to act like a foxbrain, mousedung!

Poppyfrost: Dontcha do that Jaypawy, ASHFUR COME A-HERE!

Hollypaw: THE WARRIOR CODE SUUUCKS!! Breezepaw where are yaa?!

Lionpaw: WOOP WOOP FORBIDDEN LOOVE!! HEATHAPAAAW!

Squirrelflight: Fowbidden wove ain't goud ya know!!

Jaypaw: But Squiwelfwight!! I LUV Willowshinneywiney!!

Hollypaw: WOO! That breaks the warrior code even more!! Go Jaypaw! GO JAYPAW!!

Leafpool: Dontcha dare run away!! I'll die of a random badger attack iffy ya leave!

Longtail: Mousy! I hava something to tella you!

Mousefur: Whatsit, darling, deary?

Longtail: You're so… so… oh, Mousy!!

Mousefur: Longtail, what is it?

Longtail: I think that you are so… so um…

Mousefur: TELLL ME LONGY! PLEAASSE!!

Longtail: You're too… you're too OLD for me!! I'm still a warrior, you dishevelling cat!

Mousefur: WHAT?! Why, I'll claw off your ears and feedit to Shadowclan!!

Champagnestar: THAT'S ENOUGH, OUFF!! Time to go to your rooms now, ouff!!

Winevine: If they can make it… drut!

Champagnestar: Show them their rooms, Winevine, veroomf!

All the ThunderClan cats staggered into their 'rooms'.

Hazeltail: Whereza the bush? Aneeda pee!!

Winevine: Pee in the room, it won't make a difference once you get your hangover, poi!

Mousewhisker: A could stay lika this forever… morot!!

Leafpool: Youz becoming lika the Champagne Clan cats!

Brambleclaw: So, whossy care?! Me likey to speaky like thissey!! Bwomf!!

Winevine: I'm still here, so shaddup and sleep!!

Toadkit and Rosekit: Wherezy is mommu? MOMMU!!

Daisy: I haven't had so much fun since… GYAHHAHA!!

Spiderleg: Where iss Dustpelt and Ferncloudd??

Dustpelt: We're here. Sleep, some cats are tired.

Birchfall: Why dontcha sound drunk, Daddeh? Huh Huh Huh?!

Ferncloud: We were occupied with something else!!

Leafpool: ZoossH!! Youz gonna have kitties again! No, no, no!! Too manies!!

Dustpelt: I can never have too many kits!!

Jaypaw: Thazzy dizguwsting! YukK!!

Ferncloud: Excuse me, Dustpelt? _I'm _the one who has kits!

Dustpelt: Of course, Ferny, dearest. I was just saying-

Spottedleaf: I HAVE FOUND YOU FIRESTAR

Firestar: Whaaa, who-a you?!

Spottedleaf: I will haunt you forever, Firestar. You will bear my kits!

Leafpool: Damnizz youz Spootedweak! Medixine catz cats can't ave kitties!!

Spottedleaf: TOO BAAAAD!! I WILL GET YOU FIRESTAR!!

Firestar: Whaaaaaa… sooo… sleepy… urg! –pukes-

Leafpool: Oh noz, I feel a pukie coming on!! –pukes-

ThunderClan Cats: URRHHGG!! –PUUUUKKEEEESSS-

**Sleektail: hehehe well I'll continue that really soon xD, it'll**

**Be about their hangovers!!**


	3. Chapter 3: The Blackything

**Disclaimer: If I was Erin Hunter, this disclaimer wouldn't be here…**

**To Mew Kao: I will try make Firestar and Squirreflight even MOOREEE crazy than everyone else!!**

**Chapter 3  
**

Spottedleaf: Ahaha I will gets you Firestar, you are too… hangovered to stop meeh!!

Firestar: -pukes on Spottedleaf- Stop whooo?? Who's hangover- -pukes again-

Squirrelflight: Daaaadddyy!! MAKE IT STOOPP!! I cantty stop –puuuukkkkeeeess-

Brambleclaw: What Firestarry can dooie I can dooie too!! Looomff!! –pukes on Ashfur-

Ashfur: HOLLY CRAPPERAPPERAAA!! HELPY WELPY MEEH!!

Hollypaw: I… am… not… a… crapperrapperaaa!! GRRRAAAAOOO-puke-OOUUR!!

Squirrelflight: OH NOOOOO!! LOOKITTY THATTY BLACKK COMING!!

Spottedleaf: FIRESTAR!! STOP PUKING SO I CAN MATE WITHCHOU!!

Firestar: -pukes uncontrollably- Im gonna looooose a life! HAAAHAARHHARRRR!!

Squirrelflight: DAADDDYY!! BLAACCKKY FOGGY COMMYY!!

Firestar: Whaazzy tauking bout? –pukes-

Squirrelflight: BLACCKKY THiiinnngg…

Brambleclaw: WHATSIT STARCLAN DAMNIT MITT!? Holly SMoosh!! BLACKYTHING!! –screams and runs around in a circle, leaving a trail of puke-

Jaypaw: Imma always seeingy blackythings…sweepy… -pukes-

Dustpelt: Ferncloud, I don't see no blackything, do you?

Ferncloud: Oh, dearest darling, twiddly poo, I don't see any blackythings…

Suddenly, every cat falls asleep… well, not Dustpelt and Ferncloud.

Squirrelflight: -mutters in sleep- Daddy… blaccky thinnngg…NOOO!!

Spottedleaf: WAKE UP FIRESTAAARR! I CANT MATE WITH A SLEEPING CAT!

Firestar: -SNOOOOOOORE-SNOORE-SNO-CHOOOKEEEE-PUKE-

Spottedleaf: On second thought, I think that I'll mate withchou tomorrow –mutters and disappears into… well wherever she goes where Firestar isn't-

The next morning…

Champagnestar: RISE AND SHINE MY HEADACHE-FILLED FRIENDS! POING!

Hazeltail: Since when do we have headaches? And we're naawt yoh friends!

Lionpaw: Holly wolly, you're speaking normally!

Hollypaw: Tsk, tsk, whaddya mean wolly?! I AINT NO HOLLY WOLLY!

Champagnestar: Well, my liddle friends don't you want some breakfast?

Brightheart: Only with you, oh handsome one…

Cloudtail: Ahem, I'm HERE YOU KNOW!

Champagnestar: Ahem, headaches….

Poppyfrost: …what?

Ashfur: Be specific, please…

Champagnestar: You were puking the night before…

Everyone: DON'T REMIND US!!

Squirrelflight: DAADDYYY!! I HAVE A HEADACHE MAKE IT STOP PLEAASE!

Firestar: And ya think _**I **_don't?!

Squirrelflight: -sniff- YOU'RE A MEANIE WEANIE DADDY!

Champagnestar: All right, BREAKFIST! NOOOWW!! GLYU!!

Thunderclan trudges down to the room where they got drunk the night before.

Mousewhisker: This place looks familiar…

Berrynose: I hope my headache doesn't ruin my looks… -looks into a perfectly clean plate which reflected his face- I am still the pertiest!!

Honeyfern: -drools- -flinches from headache- -drools some more.

Winevine: Breakfast is coming now, headache-cats. Gymmpff

Squirrelflight: Ashfurry… where's Bramblewamble? My headache is hurding!!

Firestar: I AM YOUR DADDY!! NOT BRAMBLECLAW!!

Squirrelflight: But-but-but daddy… you didn't care 'bout my puke…

Firestar: So? Spooptedleaf was there… she was scaring me… -whimpers-

Squirrelflight: YOU DIDN'T CARE ABOUT THE BLACKY THING!

Brambleclaw: BLACKYTHINGY!! NOO!! –screams and runs around the champagnedelier and back-

Squirrelflight: I… want… someone…to ROOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR!!

Ashfur: HOLLY…!! –chokes from Hollypaw-

Hollypaw: Stop…saying… holly…whatever! ROOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR!!

Leafpool: Why is everyone ROOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR!!ing?

Jaypaw: Shut up… I gotta headache… -groans and bangs head on the table-

Squirrelflight: The roar… is a roar of headachy paaain!!

Firestar: THHUUUUNNDDEERRCLLAAAANN!!

-silence- Even ChampagneClan shutted up. An owl hoots in the distance. A pencil randomly drops from a classroom far faaaar away. A butterfly sucked up some nectar. A skunk can be heard lifting up its tail and a nasty sten- Er… never mind. It was silent.

Firestar: … I have something to say… I am not drunk anymore and…

-silence continues- But the owl kept on hooting. The pencil kept on randomly dropping. The butterfly kept on sucking nectar. The skunk still let out the nasty sten- Er, it was silent.

Firestar: And…and… I HATE YOU SPOTTEDLEAF!!

-Spottedleaf appears in a flash of poof-

Spottedleaf: F-F-Firestar… n-no… YOU WILL LOVE MEEEEEH!!

Spottedleaf yelled out so loud that the owl stopped hooting. The pencil stopped randomly dropping. The butterfly stopped sucking nectar. The skunk stopped letting out its nasty sten- Er, everything was _perfectly_ quiet.

Spottedleaf: YOU! SHALL! PAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!

Sorry, but this scene is too violent for a medicine cat. For ANY cat. Sorry for this technical… difficulty.

Firestar: StarClan… have…mercy…

Spottedleaf: I _am _StarClan. And I CAN do much much worse. And I _will _mate with you… someday. One day. I will getchou!! BWHAAHAHAHA!!

-Spottedleaf disappears in a cloud of poof-

Firestar: Why, that StarClan cat! I oughta… oughta… GRR!! ROAAAAR!

Champagnestar: Soo… breakfast, anyone? Blub?

**Well, there's chapter 3!! Sorry it was a little… random and stupid, but anyways, hope you liked it!**


End file.
